Thursday, January 13, 2011

And so it begins..

My husband has duty tonight, so I'm going to the boat to say my goodbye's. Seeing him say goodbye to our little boy this morning tore my heart into a million little pieces. I just pray this underway goes by as fast as possible, he leaves VERY soon, and I'm already ready for him to be home. He told me I have to be strong, now that is easier said then done. I'm prepareing for breakdowns everyday, but a part of me is saying I've got to hold it together for our son, but another part is asking well when do I have time to breakdown and get the hurt out. Now, he's not gone very long, but anytime away is no fun at all. Right now, I've got a screaming baby who's been changed, burped, fed, cuddled, etc and nothing is seeming to calm him down. Now, I was told he can read off of my emotions, right now my emotions are pretty numb, so what is he taking off of that? He's seen me cry these past few days, because leading up to the goodbyes are always the worst, but the final goodbye is miserable. I know I have to hold myself together, but honestly I'm pretty sure I've already lost it. I'm in my husbands clothes, I sprayed the bed with his cologne, obviously I'll pull myself together when I go to the boat to see him, it hurts that I can bring our son with me, because for any of you that have been on an aircraft carrier know that there's a lot of stairs and well it's not really child friendly! (haha) We've got our one year wedding anniversary coming up in a week, and honestly I just want to ignore that date and act like it dosen't exsist, but I know I won't be able too.
I'm going to go tend to my crying baby, I'll will write more later after my goodbye.

Saying goodbye was the worst feeling in the world. Apart of me is so empty, I'm so over this already. I'm so ready for it to be over!
-Navy Wife

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