USS Barry Homecoming

Now, I'm no photographer but when a friend of mine asked me to shoot her homecoming I hopped ALL over the chance! :) It felt amazing to watch my good friend get her husband back after a long 9 month deployment, it was an even more amazing feeling watching him hug his children for the first time in 9 months! 

Makes me so anxious for my homecoming. 

I know I haven't been around in awhile, but I'm on a bit of a time crunch, but I will update how things are in my life soon..promise! 

On that note, here's some photos from the homecoming :) 

A Shout Out To A Newer Blogger

This won't be one of my "normal" posts, but a very dear friend of mine has started blogging, and I couldn't be more proud of her for it! 

Meet Hannah. 

Hannah and I met in 2010 online on a military spouse support site when her husband was serving in the Marine Corps, Hannah and I immediately clicked and became friends when in March of 2010 we both found out we were EXPECTING our first child, Fast forward to June of 2010, we both scheduled our "sex ultrasounds" and could hardly contain ourselves with finding out what one another was having, but when I had received a text message that their Precious little girl had passed away, I was devastated  I've never lost a child, but it terrified me to pieces. But I know Phoebe (their precious baby girl) was present when I gave birth to Christopher in November of 2010 it was such a horrible labor, but I know she was there protecting him! And that gave me comfort <3

(our due dates were just a week apart from each other) 

In May of 2012, they gave birth to a GORGEOUS baby boy named Randy Lee "RJ" for short. He was loved by everyone, I had never even met him and I loved him! But just 9 short days later, their little boy had passed away, this hit thousands of people all across the country, and the world! No one expected this. 

Hannah is one of the most incredible and strongest people I have EVER met and I am so blessed to call her one of my "best friends" 

We have yet to meet in person, but one day we will and it will be the greatest day :) 

http://survivingrj.blogspot.com/2013/08/loved-story-of-rj.html

Here is a link to her blog, please make sure to check it out! 

"Craving him"

So just here lately I've just been craving his touch. Not 'sexual' just, a hug, holding his hand and I would DIE for a kiss from him!! Heck, I just want to be in the same room as him!!!! I just want to feel his energy, mad, sad, happy, I don't care, Oh what I wouldn't give to have this over already. Just to know that he is here would make me happy. And he does his best, and I'm SUPER PROUD OF HIM, he calls me when he can, and emails me every night that he can, and we video chat when he's in port..but it's just not the same. His scent is gone from literally everything in our bedroom. I have put away all of his stuff. And up until this point RIGHT HERE, I have been doing super good.

I have a Donut of Misery. I have small goals I set for myself, 'Ok we won't look at it until it says x days to go'. And they are small usually about 2-4 days apart, something I know I can handle. And sometimes I get so busy I go over and forget. That has helped me pass the time. So far my PERSONAL countdown is further along than I thought I would be at this point. Christopher's countdown, not going as easy as I thought it would. He keeps asking me if Daddy is home. Or he will ask WHEN Daddy is coming home. And of course how do you respond to those questions? How do I put them into 2 year old terms so that he can understand? I can't just say, 'Oh hunny, Don't worry Daddy will be home on xx day'. Like he really understands time anyway. And we all know that ETA date will change 4-5 times on a GOOD day! 

In ways I'm glad we are going through this deployment. I know it will make us stronger in our marriage, just like the last one. It will make us stronger as individuals, and most importantly, we will get to save money. I'll just focus on that for now. We have been handed an opportunity. Find a way to see a positive in it.  He is going out and seeing the world! He is appreciating everything the Navy has to offer him. For me, SAVING MONEY. There is so much to appreciate in this, you just have to open your eyes.

The Writing Plateau!

In 4 years of sea duty, I've never had one. Well, of course I've had them on my blog. But never in my emails to Robert. He has always been my 'go to' person. Now.. I just have nothing to say. Besides the ‘I miss you, I love you, we’re doing good here’

Or I have LOTS to say, but it's things that I'm not supposed to say because it would 'lower moral' and deemed inappropriate. Sometimes I just need confide in him. Like right now, I would love to tell him how I work night shifts, day shifts, I work thru my lunch, dinner and ANY breaks I get, and how the drama has begun. Because that's Navy Wife life when your Sailor is gone. Drama. Drama. and MORE DRAMA! But instead, I send 1 lines that usually say encouraging words and that we miss and love him.

The truth is, I'm burned out.

I said it. I finally said it. I admit it finally!!!

See, all of this I NEED to tell my husband. I NEED to talk to him as if he were here. But I can't. I can't tell him anything that would make him worry. "Mission First Right?" 

See, ^^ no writing plateau here! I just don't know what to say to him. I can't lie to him. I never could. So I say what I can say and end it. Sometimes I think I'm angry as well. Like I said, I'm basically working 24/7, NO BREAKS!!!! Last deployment was a CAKE WALK compared to this one! I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to SHUT UP. And I'm sure as time goes on, I will continue to say this lol. This year I have TWO KIDS, 16 months apart at that..and Owen is... well... lol if you are on my FB you know. He is my needy baby lol. So a break would be nice. Robert has missed SO MUCH of the boys lives. And I'm angry, I want him right beside me through it all. I NEED him there! And he just can't be...and I know that, but it doesn't mean I like it AT ALL!!! lol

I have a coffee cup that I bought when I was a 'new wife', it says, 'Navy Wife is the Hardest Job in the Navy'. I don't agree with that anymore. The SAILOR'S is. They leave their families for months at a time. They come home to completely different kids. Sometimes their kids don't even recognize them. The thought of Owen not recognizing his Daddy scares me, and saddens me. He's young. We do the daddy doll, we do the record-able-books, we do the build a bears. But it still sucks!!!

But when I have days/weeks like this, I look at my coffee cup and think, y'know, he may have the hardest, but mine has GOT to be the second hardest. ;)

Clashing of worlds

I realized why Navy Wives clash, seriously.....ready for it?!

We all come from different parts of the world. We do, some people are raised in the country, some in the city, some in not great parts of town. We ALL come from different parts of the world. Now, I was raised in a small town of just a little over 350. Yeah, that's not very many. I was raised in the Boondocks. Hands down. Loved every minute of it. And when I married my husband, I was thrown into city life. Norfolk is way to city for me. I miss the small town feel, I miss the lake, I miss the people I grew up with. It makes me sad when I think about my boys will never be raised in the boondocks like I was. I was raised to respect your elders, I was raised to always be blunt. You never spoke behind someone's back. We were upfront as upfront could be. I'm still that way, I think that's why I don't click well with people, because some people think it's cute to talk behind your back. I was raised where our 'friday night fun' was spent watching truck pulls, in the mud and bonfires. We ran our pickup's through mud. 

THAT WAS OUR FUN!

We all come from different ways of raisin', and I think that's why some of us clash! I miss my small town folks. I do I do. I think sometimes people forget that we're not all from the same area. It's just like I have a way I act at home, because I know I can be a DOWN RIGHT REDNECK and not get judged for it. But when I'm in "city mode" I feel like my "redneck" can only come out sometimes, and that makes me sad. People can be way to harsh sometimes for you to act yourself around them, imagine that...sometimes you can't be yourself. It's stupid if you ask me. I've never been the person though that likes to be judged. I always hated judgement from people, and I feel like in this lifestyle there's always someone behind you, in front of you or beside you that's judging like you've never been judged before, no matter what it is, the way you're dressed, you're parenting, your car, your life in general. It's sad that I can point that out. Maybe it's because I've never been the one to judge someone before I knew the person! People are way to quick to judge sometimes. So here's my look on this; STOP JUDGING PEOPLE. 

Well hello there bloggers :)

I haven't been a round lately, but I'm back and for awhile now.

Why you ask? Well, husband is officially deployed, sadly! He left a few days ago.

"Hello, USS Harry S. Truman God Speed. Fair Winds & Following Seas, My Love"

We really enjoyed the last little bit of time we had left together, we were even able to squeeze in some pre-deployment pictures, before he left which are going to help the boys and I get through the next X amount of months. This deployment is a bit longer then our last one, that's for sure. But what do they say? 

"True Love will survive any amount of time or distance"

I fully believe that, because the strong will survive, and the weak will crumble. Last time, I wrote I had said we decided to move home for deployment, well that all changed just a few short weeks ago, when we got a call we've been waiting for! We were offered a house in the newest housing in Norfolk! It's gorgeous housing, We knew we just HAD to take it, because who knew when a house would be available there, again! They don't come available to often! We just knew that it was a sign we needed to stay here. So now that that's happening, my dad is coming out for a bit to help me move in, in just a FEW SHORT WEEKS! :) That should keep me busy for awhile getting a house perfect and ready! I will also be starting school once we're settled in thanks to an awesome friend who has offered to help with the kids, so I could return back to school to get my LPN! But that is really all that's new in my world, I will share just a couple of our pictures from our pre-deployment session <3

Excitement of a school girl!!!!

Have I EVER mentioned the ONE thing I LOVE LOVE LOVE about Virginia?! Well if I haven't here it is, there is ALWAYS someone famous coming here, and today was the best one yet....LUKE BRYAN WAS AT THE NEX!!!! For a meet and great might I add:) 

So at 10am, we began to line up for him to come at noon!!! It was also 88 degrees! Yikes My kids were champs to say the least, afterwards we went and had ice cream at DQ because they were so well behaved!! Luke is having a concert tonight, and sadly I had to miss it because Mr's ship is ALWAYS picking the most inconvenient times to be out to sea! But anyway, this post is about Luke Bryan, now that man is my celebrity love affair <3
Don't worry my husband know's all about that love affair ;)

So I bought his new cd's, which by the way...I can't remember the last time I bought a CD! Normally it's Itunes all the way!!! Which I mean, really who buys cd's anymore?! LOL!!!

Now for pictures!!!

All of us waiting for him to arrive!!!!

:) :) :)

[making this one small because of his autograph<3]

And let me add, he is SO GORGEOUS in person <3 LOL!!!!

A short little update..

Mr. is back at sea...like usual. Why do I feel like that's where he ALWAYS is! Thankfully this is a short one, but the long haul is RIGHT around the corner, I'm hating saying that. (Secretly I'm hoping it's postponed again! Shhh don't tell anyone else that) Everyone else seems SO ready for deployment :/ Where I'm over here like.......

 *fingers crossed* Please be canceled. Please be canceled!

Is that wishful thinking or what?! But anyways, the reason for this blog is to share a hard, but I think for the best decision, with deployment coming up, husband and I have decided it would be for the best for the boys and I to MOVE to his parents house so I can have some support, save money, start school, etc. 

Bet that through ya for a loop, huh? 

I'm actually really excited, as I've written in later blogs, I've had a super hard time adjusting to life here, and I was worried about being alone for a X month deployment. So after a long talk, weighing pro's and con's we decided moving was for the best for all of us. I'll move back a month or so before deployment ends, so we can get a new house and get all settled in and have a "home" ready for him when he returns, and not just a ton of boxes or living in a hotel room! I for one like I said, am really excited about this decision, I'll be able to save A LOT of money, save up for a nice vacation after deployment, pay off some debt and most importantly be able to start school :) It's like a new adventure. I'd really like to go to an overseas port and meet him over there since we'll have the extra money, talk about an adventure!!! That sure would be :) 

I figured I needed to update and tell you all where I stand on "fitting in" and getting adjusted! 

Holy May!

First before I start this blog, let me give a big shot-out to my BFF's on the west coast clock! 

WELCOME HOME USS JOHN C. STENNIS!!!!! 

After 8 1/2 long months, my best friends are FINALLY back with their better half's <3

Now that that's over with. Life in my household. Deployment is sneakin' on up, which is making me a nervous wreck, so much that I've ALREADY started planning HOMECOMING! Yes, it hasn't even begun and I've already been planning if I'll dye my hair, looking at plane tickets to fly my photographer from Washington out! Now, that may sound crazy, but maybe this will be my way of coping, planning for the end! I mean, I've done this before, this whole deployment thing is still so fresh in my mind, we just did one from July 2011-Februrary 2012...NOT THAT LONG AGO!!!

I've been watching videos from the Truman's deployment/homecoming in 2010! It just gives me chills, I get so proud of him and "go navy" around deployment time! Not sure why, that's just when I feel so proud to be a Navy wife. But then again, look at me whineing because of a deployment (someone find me some big girl panties;) I feel like leading up to a deployment is always the WORST, along with the first 2 weeks, after that it's a ride, we get into a routine and stay busy with care-packages, playgroups, FRG meetings, etc. Not to mention the sleepless nights, I feel like I don't sleep during deployments. It makes me giggle, because last deployment I was still a "newbie" to this life. It was my first deployment, sure I had done under-ways, but this was the FIRST LONG HAUL I was about to endure, I couldn't even imagine writing this blog last time, then I thought the world was really ending, I swore it was. At least this time I'm trying to find positives in this. Speaking of positives, 

I've come up with my TOP  2 GOALS for deployment...

• I will be 110-115 lbs when he walks off that ship (he's totally going to walk by me and have NO idea who I am;)
• I am enrolling in TCC and getting my Medical Assistant degree 

With school, 2 kids and basically LIVING at the gym I will have NO problem making the time fly by with this deployment!!!!! And of course, blogging!

Which leads me to my closing, what was YOUR top goal during a deployment, did you achieve it?

Weather, Kids and everything else

yes, this is going to be a post ALL about the weather, lol. Not really but I have a severe fear of storms, especially when my husband away, yes that may sound babyish but I really am afraid. My 2 year old just woke up from it too, well also because I was sitting outside chatting with my neighbors, which was fun it was nice to get some adult interaction! So at least I have my son to keep me company, I'll probualy just let him sleep in bed with me too, have a little "sleepover" lol I let him do that sometimes when my husband is gone, and we have fun! We put cartoons on, make popcorn and I just enjoy having him be my little cuddlebug again....even if it is just for the night! You see, when he became mobile, my little cuddlebug was no more, non-exsistant! But now he's starting to wanna be that way again, and this mama has NO COMPLAINTS!

 It's so hard to believe this year is flying by, in just a few weeks it'll be MAY already?! That means my little man will be 3 in 6 months, that's even harder to believe! Babies grow way to fast, secretly makes me want to have another little one ;) I won't even lie. Currently as I write this, he is counting and picking out a book for me to read to him, this kids LOVES books! He has so many!! But he loves story time! I probualy sound like a terrible mom having my 2 year old up at almost 11pm, but I enjoy this not only does it give me some one on one time with him, it helps me because when my husband is away and the kids are asleep that's when I get super lonely because then...I am alone. The house is then SO silent besides the tv in the background, or the clicking of my keyboard..it's then just me and the cat! And my cat certainly doesn't talk back ;) 

The Unknown

I think everyday I start to try and write a blog then I just stop and walk away..I'm stressed and I know it. Underways, Virginia, The Navy, just everything is taking a toll on me and I'm starting to think my health. I'm always alone. It's normally just me and the kids. I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling without worrying of being judged. I feel like I talk about this more and more. Deployment is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! And I know that's going to be my breaking point. I've never been the person to admit that I'm stressed. Heck, I've never been the type of person to even admit I've hit a low point. 

I hate this place. I hate being here. I hate being miserable. I'm normally a happy person, I actually am a good faker when it comes to happiness. I could have the WORST day known to man and I still have a smile on my face, but after awhile...I need a chance just to cry, I just want someone to vent too. I have my blog that I vent to a lot, but it would be nice to have a real true friend to vent too. As I'm sitting here writing this so much is just running through my head and it sucks having no one to just empty it out too. :/ I do hang out at the gym a lot and exercising is making me feel a lot better, I'm not able to talk it out but I'm running it out and working it out! If you don't attend a gym, join one! It helps a lot! I just hope things start looking up from here, and if not....we'll see what happens! 

What is a "real" friend...

you know, I've really been asking myself that now for awhile now. I've realized it's really hard to have "real friends" in the military life. Now, I'm not saying all of them, obviously. I have the best of friends in WA and a few here in VA but this is my rant. Why act like you like someone to their face, but the moment that person is out of the room the truth comes out of what you really think of them. Maybe I'm just being mopey, maybe I'm speaking the truth, it's just hard to go from having people you are ALWAYS with, to occasionally having "friend time" 

I've found very few people I can honestly say they will be there for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING when I pick up the phone and let me tell you. IT SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS. If I don't find a "best friend" and that's okay, it really is, but I just wish I could find one, two, maybe even three people (okay that's wishful thinking now;) that would always be there for me. It's sad when you have to question on what you tell certain people, because your terrified of it being repeated and getting out to the wrong person. I hate it. Now like I said, I don't want to say ALL military wives are like this, because that would be a lie. Maybe I just get stationed with the crazies! Now it took me a year and a half to meet my best friends in WA! BUT I had that time to meet them, I had them through deployment when you need your friends the most, I don't have that kind of time here. I just wish I had more time to "weed" out the bad and the good in people. I feel like this is something I write about a lot, but I think this is the biggest complaint I have :/ Now I have met a few awesome people, I will admit that! :) It just sucks to be alone most of the time. :/ I can only hope things get better before deployment, because that's when you need someone!

Reflection of life.

Holy Cow! It's already April 12th. Can you believe that? 2013 is flying by! Anyway, I've done some life reflection-you know, I love being Robert's wife and I love being Owen and Christopher's mother, but I've lost myself along the way! So it's time to get started on that, I'm looking for colleges and soon will be starting my CNA, then moving on to my LPN and soon my RN! I love my family, but sometimes I feel like that's all I ever am, a wife and a mom. Don't get me wrong both of those are the best things to ever happen to me, but it's time to start focus on myself!!! 

The way I live my life and the people I associate with are soon going to change too. I've always been the super nice person who cares about anyone and everyone. Well, that's burned me in the past, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it! I need to focus just on my close friends and stick with them and stop letting "outsiders" in! It's really stressful to keep being taken advantage of. 

Also, I want to share with my followers, we are NOW on the market to be BUYING our home together! We thought about it, and realized Virginia does have a lot to offer us. There's tons of hospitals for me to get a job at, I'd be able to attend school and not have to worry about moving during semesters, etc. Robert can finish out his career here, there's tons of options for the Navy here! These upcoming years are really going to open up new doors for us and I'm so excited to see what else this world has to offer us especially with me starting school and being able to focus on my career AND becoming home owners which I am on cloud 9 about! We've filed for our pre-approval and hopefully we'll hear back soon on what we can afford! I'll make sure to keep everyone updated! :) Until then....toooootles :)