Weather, Kids and everything else

yes, this is going to be a post ALL about the weather, lol. Not really but I have a severe fear of storms, especially when my husband away, yes that may sound babyish but I really am afraid. My 2 year old just woke up from it too, well also because I was sitting outside chatting with my neighbors, which was fun it was nice to get some adult interaction! So at least I have my son to keep me company, I'll probualy just let him sleep in bed with me too, have a little "sleepover" lol I let him do that sometimes when my husband is gone, and we have fun! We put cartoons on, make popcorn and I just enjoy having him be my little cuddlebug again....even if it is just for the night! You see, when he became mobile, my little cuddlebug was no more, non-exsistant! But now he's starting to wanna be that way again, and this mama has NO COMPLAINTS!

 It's so hard to believe this year is flying by, in just a few weeks it'll be MAY already?! That means my little man will be 3 in 6 months, that's even harder to believe! Babies grow way to fast, secretly makes me want to have another little one ;) I won't even lie. Currently as I write this, he is counting and picking out a book for me to read to him, this kids LOVES books! He has so many!! But he loves story time! I probualy sound like a terrible mom having my 2 year old up at almost 11pm, but I enjoy this not only does it give me some one on one time with him, it helps me because when my husband is away and the kids are asleep that's when I get super lonely because then...I am alone. The house is then SO silent besides the tv in the background, or the clicking of my keyboard..it's then just me and the cat! And my cat certainly doesn't talk back ;) 

The Unknown

I think everyday I start to try and write a blog then I just stop and walk away..I'm stressed and I know it. Underways, Virginia, The Navy, just everything is taking a toll on me and I'm starting to think my health. I'm always alone. It's normally just me and the kids. I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling without worrying of being judged. I feel like I talk about this more and more. Deployment is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! And I know that's going to be my breaking point. I've never been the person to admit that I'm stressed. Heck, I've never been the type of person to even admit I've hit a low point. 

I hate this place. I hate being here. I hate being miserable. I'm normally a happy person, I actually am a good faker when it comes to happiness. I could have the WORST day known to man and I still have a smile on my face, but after awhile...I need a chance just to cry, I just want someone to vent too. I have my blog that I vent to a lot, but it would be nice to have a real true friend to vent too. As I'm sitting here writing this so much is just running through my head and it sucks having no one to just empty it out too. :/ I do hang out at the gym a lot and exercising is making me feel a lot better, I'm not able to talk it out but I'm running it out and working it out! If you don't attend a gym, join one! It helps a lot! I just hope things start looking up from here, and if not....we'll see what happens! 

What is a "real" friend...

you know, I've really been asking myself that now for awhile now. I've realized it's really hard to have "real friends" in the military life. Now, I'm not saying all of them, obviously. I have the best of friends in WA and a few here in VA but this is my rant. Why act like you like someone to their face, but the moment that person is out of the room the truth comes out of what you really think of them. Maybe I'm just being mopey, maybe I'm speaking the truth, it's just hard to go from having people you are ALWAYS with, to occasionally having "friend time" 

I've found very few people I can honestly say they will be there for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING when I pick up the phone and let me tell you. IT SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS. If I don't find a "best friend" and that's okay, it really is, but I just wish I could find one, two, maybe even three people (okay that's wishful thinking now;) that would always be there for me. It's sad when you have to question on what you tell certain people, because your terrified of it being repeated and getting out to the wrong person. I hate it. Now like I said, I don't want to say ALL military wives are like this, because that would be a lie. Maybe I just get stationed with the crazies! Now it took me a year and a half to meet my best friends in WA! BUT I had that time to meet them, I had them through deployment when you need your friends the most, I don't have that kind of time here. I just wish I had more time to "weed" out the bad and the good in people. I feel like this is something I write about a lot, but I think this is the biggest complaint I have :/ Now I have met a few awesome people, I will admit that! :) It just sucks to be alone most of the time. :/ I can only hope things get better before deployment, because that's when you need someone!

Reflection of life.

Holy Cow! It's already April 12th. Can you believe that? 2013 is flying by! Anyway, I've done some life reflection-you know, I love being Robert's wife and I love being Owen and Christopher's mother, but I've lost myself along the way! So it's time to get started on that, I'm looking for colleges and soon will be starting my CNA, then moving on to my LPN and soon my RN! I love my family, but sometimes I feel like that's all I ever am, a wife and a mom. Don't get me wrong both of those are the best things to ever happen to me, but it's time to start focus on myself!!! 

The way I live my life and the people I associate with are soon going to change too. I've always been the super nice person who cares about anyone and everyone. Well, that's burned me in the past, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it! I need to focus just on my close friends and stick with them and stop letting "outsiders" in! It's really stressful to keep being taken advantage of. 

Also, I want to share with my followers, we are NOW on the market to be BUYING our home together! We thought about it, and realized Virginia does have a lot to offer us. There's tons of hospitals for me to get a job at, I'd be able to attend school and not have to worry about moving during semesters, etc. Robert can finish out his career here, there's tons of options for the Navy here! These upcoming years are really going to open up new doors for us and I'm so excited to see what else this world has to offer us especially with me starting school and being able to focus on my career AND becoming home owners which I am on cloud 9 about! We've filed for our pre-approval and hopefully we'll hear back soon on what we can afford! I'll make sure to keep everyone updated! :) Until then....toooootles :)