Thursday, April 3, 2014

Five things this deployment taught me..

Deployment teaches everyone something. That's including the spouse, so with deployment coming in for a close VERY VERY soon. I wanted to take a moment to reflect one the 

#1.) You won't finish the deployment with every "friend" you had when they left.
I think within the last 9 months my facebook friends list has dropped by 200. You know every command has a "spouses page" and everyone friends everyone when they leave. I learned very quickly in the early stages of deployment who would make it to the end, and who wouldn't and shockingly I was pretty accurate. Friendships fade fast in this life. But everyone who get that ONE friend, or sometimes even a couple that they know will always be there for this deployment, next deployment, across the country or across the oceans. I am very blessed with some of the most amazing people god could've ever thought to place in my life, and I wouldn't trade them for the entire world. 

#2.) You are amazing, strong and so damn independent! 
Now this one, is self explanatory  There should be no caption needed for this one. In the last 9 months I've played mommy, daddy, teacher, therapist, friend, and the list goes on and on. I've handled my oldest son getting 15 stitches in his face, did a move with little help, learned what life was like with stitches, and just a few days ago had a car accident. I've handled it all by myself. YOU ARE AMAZING! Not many people can do what you do, so please pat yourself on the back and tell yourself thank you because YOU are what your service member counts down the days to get in his/her arms.

#3.) I have the patience of a saint. 
Oh yeah, I went there. Everything is ON YOU when your service member is deployed. That means EVERYTHING. Hey, I made it 9 months without killing someone, that's proof enough right? LOL!!! On a serious note, you can't give up. Things may seem difficult, but I promise there's a light at the end of every tunnel. A deployment is a small road bump. nothing more, and nothing less. Expect everything that can happen, will happen during a deployment, and I don't mean everything good or happy. Please Refer to #2 ;) My 9 months were amazingly eventful. But you come out a million times stronger then you were the day he/she shipped out with that "a million month/year deployment" 

#4.) Church helps. Positive people help. 
I returned to church this deployment, and I'm so proud of myself that I did. I have gained an even more amazing support system, and a second family because of church. I was "taken in" by some amazing people, one of those people served aboard the same ship as my husband and was his best friend on board, but he came home to go on shore duty, and man has that family been INCREDIBLE. They have "adopted" my children as their own and always willing to help out, and give me breaks. Because of me accepting god, he has truly proved himself, and truly blessed me in more ways then one. 

Yes, that was needed to be said three times, and needed to be bolded. I see to many spouses lock themselves in the house when their spouse deploys, and eventually you'll drive yourself in sane doing that. Volunteer, Join some clubs, do things with the FRG (if you have one), Scrapbook, etc, etc, etc. I took on volunteering this deployment, as well as finished both my boys scrapbooks from when they were born to present, I also picked up "extreme couponing" just look in my hall closet, you'll believe me. LOL!!! My husband is good on Old Spice for years. 

On that note, every deployment bring it's own challenges, but if you stay busy, surround yourself with positive people and have a strong support system, you'll do just fine! Remember this may seem forever, but it's not and "this too shall pass" 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Well hey there..

Wow, I haven't written since November, there's tons to catch up on. Husband is STILL deployed. Hands down, this is the longest deployment EVER. Okay, maybe not ever, but for us, yes! We have just a few short months to go, due to OPSEC I can't tell you, sorry ;) 

November we celebrated Thanksgiving, where I hosted dinner for 4 of my friends! It was a great time, and my mom was in town, a couple days after my oldest little man turned THREE! So hard to believe, that 3 years have passed already! We had a skype session that month, it was fantastic. I always enjoy skype sessions. I ended up snagging 2 full time baby sitting positions, they are going well and it's really nice to have some extra money to throw around every week! Plus, the best part? I get to still be home with my little men! 

December, my inlaws came out for Christmas, it was nice to have them here. My little men were spoiled beyond belief, I was even shocked on how much I had shopped, maybe there really is a Santa and he snuck a bunch of stuff in my storage closet ;) LOL! Yes, that's what we'll go with. Husband was able to skype a couple days before Christmas, so "Santa" made a pit stop at our house a couple days before Christmas, so daddy could feel included. It was nice, and I know he really enjoyed it! 

January, was January! New Year. New Goals. So on and so forth ;) Nothing to exciting happened in January! 2014 though is going to be an amazing year! 
End of deployment, new orders, late honeymoon, it's going to be awesome!!! 

Now here we are in February, SEAHAWKS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!! :D Oh yeah, talk about one happy husband, he's a DIE HARD Seahawk!!! :D But truly, I think that's it. Homecoming items are beginning to be ordered! It's so amazing to finally be at that point! 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

USS Barry Homecoming

Now, I'm no photographer but when a friend of mine asked me to shoot her homecoming I hopped ALL over the chance! :) It felt amazing to watch my good friend get her husband back after a long 9 month deployment, it was an even more amazing feeling watching him hug his children for the first time in 9 months! 
Makes me so anxious for my homecoming. 

I know I haven't been around in awhile, but I'm on a bit of a time crunch, but I will update how things are in my life soon..promise! 
On that note, here's some photos from the homecoming :) 

Friday, August 9, 2013

A Shout Out To A Newer Blogger

This won't be one of my "normal" posts, but a very dear friend of mine has started blogging, and I couldn't be more proud of her for it! 

Meet Hannah. 
Hannah and I met in 2010 online on a military spouse support site when her husband was serving in the Marine Corps, Hannah and I immediately clicked and became friends when in March of 2010 we both found out we were EXPECTING our first child, Fast forward to June of 2010, we both scheduled our "sex ultrasounds" and could hardly contain ourselves with finding out what one another was having, but when I had received a text message that their Precious little girl had passed away, I was devastated  I've never lost a child, but it terrified me to pieces. But I know Phoebe (their precious baby girl) was present when I gave birth to Christopher in November of 2010 it was such a horrible labor, but I know she was there protecting him! And that gave me comfort <3
(our due dates were just a week apart from each other) 
In May of 2012, they gave birth to a GORGEOUS baby boy named Randy Lee "RJ" for short. He was loved by everyone, I had never even met him and I loved him! But just 9 short days later, their little boy had passed away, this hit thousands of people all across the country, and the world! No one expected this. 
Hannah is one of the most incredible and strongest people I have EVER met and I am so blessed to call her one of my "best friends" 
We have yet to meet in person, but one day we will and it will be the greatest day :) 

Here is a link to her blog, please make sure to check it out! 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

"Craving him"

So just here lately I've just been craving his touch. Not 'sexual' just, a hug, holding his hand and I would DIE for a kiss from him!! Heck, I just want to be in the same room as him!!!! I just want to feel his energy, mad, sad, happy, I don't care, Oh what I wouldn't give to have this over already. Just to know that he is here would make me happy. And he does his best, and I'm SUPER PROUD OF HIM, he calls me when he can, and emails me every night that he can, and we video chat when he's in port..but it's just not the same. His scent is gone from literally everything in our bedroom. I have put away all of his stuff. And up until this point RIGHT HERE, I have been doing super good.

I have a Donut of Misery. I have small goals I set for myself, 'Ok we won't look at it until it says x days to go'. And they are small usually about 2-4 days apart, something I know I can handle. And sometimes I get so busy I go over and forget. That has helped me pass the time. So far my PERSONAL countdown is further along than I thought I would be at this point. Christopher's countdown, not going as easy as I thought it would. He keeps asking me if Daddy is home. Or he will ask WHEN Daddy is coming home. And of course how do you respond to those questions? How do I put them into 2 year old terms so that he can understand? I can't just say, 'Oh hunny, Don't worry Daddy will be home on xx day'. Like he really understands time anyway. And we all know that ETA date will change 4-5 times on a GOOD day! 

In ways I'm glad we are going through this deployment. I know it will make us stronger in our marriage, just like the last one. It will make us stronger as individuals, and most importantly, we will get to save money. I'll just focus on that for now. We have been handed an opportunity. Find a way to see a positive in it.  He is going out and seeing the world! He is appreciating everything the Navy has to offer him. For me, SAVING MONEY. There is so much to appreciate in this, you just have to open your eyes.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Writing Plateau!

In 4 years of sea duty, I've never had one. Well, of course I've had them on my blog. But never in my emails to Robert. He has always been my 'go to' person. Now.. I just have nothing to say. Besides the ‘I miss you, I love you, we’re doing good here’

Or I have LOTS to say, but it's things that I'm not supposed to say because it would 'lower moral' and deemed inappropriate. Sometimes I just need confide in him. Like right now, I would love to tell him how I work night shifts, day shifts, I work thru my lunch, dinner and ANY breaks I get, and how the drama has begun. Because that's Navy Wife life when your Sailor is gone. Drama. Drama. and MORE DRAMA! But instead, I send 1 lines that usually say encouraging words and that we miss and love him.

The truth is, I'm burned out.
I said it. I finally said it. I admit it finally!!!

See, all of this I NEED to tell my husband. I NEED to talk to him as if he were here. But I can't. I can't tell him anything that would make him worry. "Mission First Right?" 

See, ^^ no writing plateau here! I just don't know what to say to him. I can't lie to him. I never could. So I say what I can say and end it. Sometimes I think I'm angry as well. Like I said, I'm basically working 24/7, NO BREAKS!!!! Last deployment was a CAKE WALK compared to this one! I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to SHUT UP. And I'm sure as time goes on, I will continue to say this lol. This year I have TWO KIDS, 16 months apart at that..and Owen is... well... lol if you are on my FB you know. He is my needy baby lol. So a break would be nice. Robert has missed SO MUCH of the boys lives. And I'm angry, I want him right beside me through it all. I NEED him there! And he just can't be...and I know that, but it doesn't mean I like it AT ALL!!! lol

I have a coffee cup that I bought when I was a 'new wife', it says, 'Navy Wife is the Hardest Job in the Navy'. I don't agree with that anymore. The SAILOR'S is. They leave their families for months at a time. They come home to completely different kids. Sometimes their kids don't even recognize them. The thought of Owen not recognizing his Daddy scares me, and saddens me. He's young. We do the daddy doll, we do the record-able-books, we do the build a bears. But it still sucks!!!

But when I have days/weeks like this, I look at my coffee cup and think, y'know, he may have the hardest, but mine has GOT to be the second hardest. ;)

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Clashing of worlds

I realized why Navy Wives clash, seriously.....ready for it?!
We all come from different parts of the world. We do, some people are raised in the country, some in the city, some in not great parts of town. We ALL come from different parts of the world. Now, I was raised in a small town of just a little over 350. Yeah, that's not very many. I was raised in the Boondocks. Hands down. Loved every minute of it. And when I married my husband, I was thrown into city life. Norfolk is way to city for me. I miss the small town feel, I miss the lake, I miss the people I grew up with. It makes me sad when I think about my boys will never be raised in the boondocks like I was. I was raised to respect your elders, I was raised to always be blunt. You never spoke behind someone's back. We were upfront as upfront could be. I'm still that way, I think that's why I don't click well with people, because some people think it's cute to talk behind your back. I was raised where our 'friday night fun' was spent watching truck pulls, in the mud and bonfires. We ran our pickup's through mud. 
We all come from different ways of raisin', and I think that's why some of us clash! I miss my small town folks. I do I do. I think sometimes people forget that we're not all from the same area. It's just like I have a way I act at home, because I know I can be a DOWN RIGHT REDNECK and not get judged for it. But when I'm in "city mode" I feel like my "redneck" can only come out sometimes, and that makes me sad. People can be way to harsh sometimes for you to act yourself around them, imagine that...sometimes you can't be yourself. It's stupid if you ask me. I've never been the person though that likes to be judged. I always hated judgement from people, and I feel like in this lifestyle there's always someone behind you, in front of you or beside you that's judging like you've never been judged before, no matter what it is, the way you're dressed, you're parenting, your car, your life in general. It's sad that I can point that out. Maybe it's because I've never been the one to judge someone before I knew the person! People are way to quick to judge sometimes. So here's my look on this; STOP JUDGING PEOPLE.