A short little update..

Mr. is back at sea...like usual. Why do I feel like that's where he ALWAYS is! Thankfully this is a short one, but the long haul is RIGHT around the corner, I'm hating saying that. (Secretly I'm hoping it's postponed again! Shhh don't tell anyone else that) Everyone else seems SO ready for deployment :/ Where I'm over here like.......

 *fingers crossed* Please be canceled. Please be canceled!

Is that wishful thinking or what?! But anyways, the reason for this blog is to share a hard, but I think for the best decision, with deployment coming up, husband and I have decided it would be for the best for the boys and I to MOVE to his parents house so I can have some support, save money, start school, etc. 

Bet that through ya for a loop, huh? 

I'm actually really excited, as I've written in later blogs, I've had a super hard time adjusting to life here, and I was worried about being alone for a X month deployment. So after a long talk, weighing pro's and con's we decided moving was for the best for all of us. I'll move back a month or so before deployment ends, so we can get a new house and get all settled in and have a "home" ready for him when he returns, and not just a ton of boxes or living in a hotel room! I for one like I said, am really excited about this decision, I'll be able to save A LOT of money, save up for a nice vacation after deployment, pay off some debt and most importantly be able to start school :) It's like a new adventure. I'd really like to go to an overseas port and meet him over there since we'll have the extra money, talk about an adventure!!! That sure would be :) 

I figured I needed to update and tell you all where I stand on "fitting in" and getting adjusted! 

Holy May!

First before I start this blog, let me give a big shot-out to my BFF's on the west coast clock! 

WELCOME HOME USS JOHN C. STENNIS!!!!! 

After 8 1/2 long months, my best friends are FINALLY back with their better half's <3

Now that that's over with. Life in my household. Deployment is sneakin' on up, which is making me a nervous wreck, so much that I've ALREADY started planning HOMECOMING! Yes, it hasn't even begun and I've already been planning if I'll dye my hair, looking at plane tickets to fly my photographer from Washington out! Now, that may sound crazy, but maybe this will be my way of coping, planning for the end! I mean, I've done this before, this whole deployment thing is still so fresh in my mind, we just did one from July 2011-Februrary 2012...NOT THAT LONG AGO!!!

I've been watching videos from the Truman's deployment/homecoming in 2010! It just gives me chills, I get so proud of him and "go navy" around deployment time! Not sure why, that's just when I feel so proud to be a Navy wife. But then again, look at me whineing because of a deployment (someone find me some big girl panties;) I feel like leading up to a deployment is always the WORST, along with the first 2 weeks, after that it's a ride, we get into a routine and stay busy with care-packages, playgroups, FRG meetings, etc. Not to mention the sleepless nights, I feel like I don't sleep during deployments. It makes me giggle, because last deployment I was still a "newbie" to this life. It was my first deployment, sure I had done under-ways, but this was the FIRST LONG HAUL I was about to endure, I couldn't even imagine writing this blog last time, then I thought the world was really ending, I swore it was. At least this time I'm trying to find positives in this. Speaking of positives, 

I've come up with my TOP  2 GOALS for deployment...

• I will be 110-115 lbs when he walks off that ship (he's totally going to walk by me and have NO idea who I am;)
• I am enrolling in TCC and getting my Medical Assistant degree 

With school, 2 kids and basically LIVING at the gym I will have NO problem making the time fly by with this deployment!!!!! And of course, blogging!

Which leads me to my closing, what was YOUR top goal during a deployment, did you achieve it?

Weather, Kids and everything else

yes, this is going to be a post ALL about the weather, lol. Not really but I have a severe fear of storms, especially when my husband away, yes that may sound babyish but I really am afraid. My 2 year old just woke up from it too, well also because I was sitting outside chatting with my neighbors, which was fun it was nice to get some adult interaction! So at least I have my son to keep me company, I'll probualy just let him sleep in bed with me too, have a little "sleepover" lol I let him do that sometimes when my husband is gone, and we have fun! We put cartoons on, make popcorn and I just enjoy having him be my little cuddlebug again....even if it is just for the night! You see, when he became mobile, my little cuddlebug was no more, non-exsistant! But now he's starting to wanna be that way again, and this mama has NO COMPLAINTS!

 It's so hard to believe this year is flying by, in just a few weeks it'll be MAY already?! That means my little man will be 3 in 6 months, that's even harder to believe! Babies grow way to fast, secretly makes me want to have another little one ;) I won't even lie. Currently as I write this, he is counting and picking out a book for me to read to him, this kids LOVES books! He has so many!! But he loves story time! I probualy sound like a terrible mom having my 2 year old up at almost 11pm, but I enjoy this not only does it give me some one on one time with him, it helps me because when my husband is away and the kids are asleep that's when I get super lonely because then...I am alone. The house is then SO silent besides the tv in the background, or the clicking of my keyboard..it's then just me and the cat! And my cat certainly doesn't talk back ;) 

The Unknown

I think everyday I start to try and write a blog then I just stop and walk away..I'm stressed and I know it. Underways, Virginia, The Navy, just everything is taking a toll on me and I'm starting to think my health. I'm always alone. It's normally just me and the kids. I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling without worrying of being judged. I feel like I talk about this more and more. Deployment is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! And I know that's going to be my breaking point. I've never been the person to admit that I'm stressed. Heck, I've never been the type of person to even admit I've hit a low point. 

I hate this place. I hate being here. I hate being miserable. I'm normally a happy person, I actually am a good faker when it comes to happiness. I could have the WORST day known to man and I still have a smile on my face, but after awhile...I need a chance just to cry, I just want someone to vent too. I have my blog that I vent to a lot, but it would be nice to have a real true friend to vent too. As I'm sitting here writing this so much is just running through my head and it sucks having no one to just empty it out too. :/ I do hang out at the gym a lot and exercising is making me feel a lot better, I'm not able to talk it out but I'm running it out and working it out! If you don't attend a gym, join one! It helps a lot! I just hope things start looking up from here, and if not....we'll see what happens! 

What is a "real" friend...

you know, I've really been asking myself that now for awhile now. I've realized it's really hard to have "real friends" in the military life. Now, I'm not saying all of them, obviously. I have the best of friends in WA and a few here in VA but this is my rant. Why act like you like someone to their face, but the moment that person is out of the room the truth comes out of what you really think of them. Maybe I'm just being mopey, maybe I'm speaking the truth, it's just hard to go from having people you are ALWAYS with, to occasionally having "friend time" 

I've found very few people I can honestly say they will be there for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING when I pick up the phone and let me tell you. IT SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS. If I don't find a "best friend" and that's okay, it really is, but I just wish I could find one, two, maybe even three people (okay that's wishful thinking now;) that would always be there for me. It's sad when you have to question on what you tell certain people, because your terrified of it being repeated and getting out to the wrong person. I hate it. Now like I said, I don't want to say ALL military wives are like this, because that would be a lie. Maybe I just get stationed with the crazies! Now it took me a year and a half to meet my best friends in WA! BUT I had that time to meet them, I had them through deployment when you need your friends the most, I don't have that kind of time here. I just wish I had more time to "weed" out the bad and the good in people. I feel like this is something I write about a lot, but I think this is the biggest complaint I have :/ Now I have met a few awesome people, I will admit that! :) It just sucks to be alone most of the time. :/ I can only hope things get better before deployment, because that's when you need someone!

Reflection of life.

Holy Cow! It's already April 12th. Can you believe that? 2013 is flying by! Anyway, I've done some life reflection-you know, I love being Robert's wife and I love being Owen and Christopher's mother, but I've lost myself along the way! So it's time to get started on that, I'm looking for colleges and soon will be starting my CNA, then moving on to my LPN and soon my RN! I love my family, but sometimes I feel like that's all I ever am, a wife and a mom. Don't get me wrong both of those are the best things to ever happen to me, but it's time to start focus on myself!!! 

The way I live my life and the people I associate with are soon going to change too. I've always been the super nice person who cares about anyone and everyone. Well, that's burned me in the past, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of it! I need to focus just on my close friends and stick with them and stop letting "outsiders" in! It's really stressful to keep being taken advantage of. 

Also, I want to share with my followers, we are NOW on the market to be BUYING our home together! We thought about it, and realized Virginia does have a lot to offer us. There's tons of hospitals for me to get a job at, I'd be able to attend school and not have to worry about moving during semesters, etc. Robert can finish out his career here, there's tons of options for the Navy here! These upcoming years are really going to open up new doors for us and I'm so excited to see what else this world has to offer us especially with me starting school and being able to focus on my career AND becoming home owners which I am on cloud 9 about! We've filed for our pre-approval and hopefully we'll hear back soon on what we can afford! I'll make sure to keep everyone updated! :) Until then....toooootles :)

Hello :)

As I sat on my couch watching my Sunday night shows that are back on Army Wives and Client List! SO EXCITED might I add ;) I realized I hadn't written in here in awhile, so I logged in and realize I haven't written since our anniversary! So here we are, almost middle of March. Wow, that's nuts. This year is already flying by! My youngest little man is turning ONE in 5 days! I think his first year went by in a blink of an eye! He's now mobile, has offically boy-cotted baby food and wants only real food now. He's still nursing, but the number of times is starting to decrease, but I think that's just because he's so mobile! Hopefully he's not ready to quit, because mama isn't ready for that!

Deployment, oh deployment. It's not going on. Obama's budget cut made it so the USS Harry S. Truman could NOT deploy. We have an idea of when deployment COULD be, but due to OPSEC I refrain from telling you! Now for one, I am thankful for this, but I was ready, prepared mentally and emotionally to say see you later to my husband, and a day before that dreaded day, we learn from the NEWS, yes the NEWS that deployment was not happening!  Talk about knocking you off of your feet. But I am over the moon about having hime home a bit longer, especially because he won't miss his littlest little man's FIRST birthday!!! Which is a big relief because he did miss Christopher's.

Speaking of his FIRST birthday, we're having him a party with all of our new friends, I am so excited to give that to him! It's not going to be to big, and he's not getting very many presents from mommy and daddy, but he is going to have the BEST day! Let me talk about those gifts by the way, I am OVERLY STUCK on what to get him, my boys are 
S-P-O-I-L-E-D!!!!! S-P-O-I-L-E-D!!!!! S-P-O-I-L-E-D!!!!! S-P-O-I-L-E-D!!!!!
So he is only getting 4-5 gifts, which isn't to bad especially because they are large gifts! We got him a little tikes grow with me basketball hoop, a bigger water table (both of them will share those!)  stride-to-ride learning puppy (hopefully he'll pick up walking;) and Scout! We're stuck on the fifth gift, but I'm going to let daddy figure that one out! I can't wait to update after his party! His theme is whales too!!!! I'm so excited because his room theme is a whale theme! :) Well it's time for me to finish my show and head to bed ;) 

Ps.  If you have kids, what is their favorite toy? I'd love to get some feedback!